On August 28th I was lucky enough to have a thorocotomy and let me tell you it was awesome. Now, two weeks later I feel like a million bucks. I am now proud to be overweight, old, out of shape (see overweight), decrepit...soon I will babble without purpose, crap my pants, and drool while sitting at the table.
A little insight into how one may feel - one who is horribly lazy and has the pain threshold of a small child - after a thorocotomy. The day I was released from the hospital my son had a football scrimmage at a field less than a mile from our house. I - because I am super intelligent - thought it would be a great idea to surprise everyone and walk up to the scrimmage. In addition, I thought it even better, if I walked our two dogs to the field to surprise everyone at my son's football scrimmage.
SURPRISE!! Your husband/father is a moron, please dial 911 and if there are any EMT's around or I could steal the oxygen from the 87 year old paraplegic war veteran I'd be much obliged. Needless to say, don't do this if you have had a thorocotomy - you may be mistaken for Betty Davis at here last appearance at the Oscars.
A week later, I decided it was time to clean up my office (I was in the middle of this pre-op or maybe I am simply always in the middle of this exercise) - after an hour I began to think how awesome a 4 hour nap would be. I think I blacked out then...
Knowledge. If you want to understand why the elderly (or simply older than you may be) appear to have narcolepsy as they drift into deep sleeps if left sitting - or in some cases standing - for a period greater than your average 9 year old's attention span. Have a thorocotomy. You will immediately want to hang out with anyone older than 65, and join a local NA group.
Yesterday I was able to have a follow-up with my oncologist - that is a great term there "my oncologist" - it sucked. He did say my case was brought in front of the oncology board or whatever due to its rarity...boy that is just super duper. Some things to remember when you visit the oncologist.
- It is not a weight-loss clinic.
- Do not tell the people with walkers to hurry their ass up. Poor form.
- Try not to bring young children. They aren't clear on the "don't tell people they smell funny", or ask the women "why she just threw-up into their purse", etiquette.
- Those IV's aren't filled with anything you want. So don't ask for one...ever.
- Jokes don't go over very well in the waiting room.
- People that work in the front office might be horribly inept. Remember, they aren't paid much, and while it may be scary to have to tell them 6 times you don't have to be schedule for another surgery, and it was your lung not brain that had the problem - getting upset over something so small is just that - small.
- People learn really bad news while visiting this office. Would love to have something crass to say here, I don't.
- Visitors in this office are often scared sh*tless. Allow them to ramble aimlessly about the food they have in their refrigerator - it helps them forget why they are there, or at least allows them to pretend they forget.
I now have 4 more appointments lined up. One with the radiologist, another to get a an octreoscan, then a fantastic extra super colonoscopy & endoscopy combo (I simply can't wait for that - stay tuned for great video) and finally the follow-up after all of that with the oncologist.
Maybe I'll keep posting. It is a bit cathartic, I guess. Maybe not. Regardless. Visit an oncologist sometime - hopefully not out of necessity - you'll learn a lot about life, and the strength of some folks (maybe even your own).
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